I know I'm in my 20s, but I'm retiring.

I got this ridiculous piece of junk mail today that promised I could retire this year, if I just sent in a $200 check to get involved in the program, etc. According to the program, thousands -- literally thousands (three exclamation points, italics, bold) -- of companies were looking for someone like me -- me (all caps, bold, italics, underlined) -- to do nothing but write letters all day. No, morning. Yes, because I am going to make $400,000 in my first year -- all without working past noon on any given day.

After mailing in my check and application, I sat back and planned out what I'd do with my retirement. I guess I'll keep my job for a while, but after the $10,000 checks start rolling in, I'm outta there for the sunny Florida skies.

Just kidding. You know I don't like being warm. I'm going to Alaska. Wisconsin's not cold enough.

But, I have to admit ... Retirement sounds awesome. Never mind that I'll be working 'til I'm 75. I'm planning now.

You know that paint in the other room? I'm going to finish what I started. I've got books to read. I've got TV to watch. I'll definitely have cable by then (because there will be something better, and I'll be one step behind).

Yup. Now all I have to do is wait for the program. I'm sure I'll hear back from them soon. I mean, it sounds totally legit. Right?

(Photo: Me, dancing on the beach because I retired.)