Pearl Jam just won't go away.

Really, I don't remember when Dave came home last night. He worked at the midnight sale at the record store to bring the people the new Pearl Jam CD they needed about 10 hours before the rest of those in the Central time zone got it (unless they purchased it from iTunes or something).

Wow. What noble work.

Apparently, it went incredibly well. I can't imagine why. But, then again, I'm more of a sleeper than a midnight shopper; I haven't actually been shopping after midnight since my roommate and I did it every Tuesday in college at our beloved Meijer. This regular-hours-at-work thing really messes with my post-midnight grocery shopping.

But, I digress.

This afternoon, I asked him how the sale went. Apparently, it was successful, as I said, but he was especially upset that so many people bought Tool albums. Now, I'm not going to waste my time trying to Google "Tool, new CD" or "Tool, discography," just so I can act like I know when their latest album came out. Was it today? I don't know. That's how much I don't care. I don't even want to know. It will have no effect on my life whatsoever.

But Dave was seriously offended. As if people could actually go to a record store at midnight and NOT buy the new Pearl Jam, even though -- and I paraphrase nearly perfectly -- he "had it blaring on the speakers both inside and outside." I suppose it is kind of odd. It'd be like a bookstore having a Harry Potter midnight sale, and selling like, Goosebump books or something.

(I wonder if people came all dressed up like Harry Potter fans. Guys would wear wigs and their favorite flannels, and stand around looking like they have gout or something painful like that. Man, how cool.)

Well, Dave, I guess you can't just sell the Pearl Jam CD if the people want their Tool. But the people who want their Tool should have stayed home until 10 a.m., as I'm sure it's not really worth losing sleep over. Or, better yet, just set $14.99 on fire instead of actually buying it. I'd rather do that.

I'm sorry, was that mean? Sorry. Sorry. Tool has sold more albums than I ever will. Blah, blah.

And, perhaps because of some odd twist of karma, I now have a large cardboard Pearl Jam poster of the CD cover in my living room, taunting me for ever saying I was bored with Eddie.

Wait (15 seconds elapse). OK, I HAD a Pearl Jam poster in my living room.

I hid it. Who's got karma problems now?

(Photo: From howstuffworks.com; Sleeping: Notice how nowhere in there does it say "this stage is often interrupted for Pearl Jam CD purchases.")