Oh, Eddie. Wash your hair.

Things I would not do, unless given $50 in cold, hard cash, under the table:
1. Buy the new Pearl Jam album.
2. Enjoy the new Pearl Jam album.
3. Volunteer to work at midnight to sell the Pearl Jam album on the day it's released.

Things my fiance will do, and would probably pay $50 to do:
1. Buy it.
2. Enjoy it.
3. Volunteer to be the kind guy to hand your tired soul a brand new, sealed, fresh outta the box Pearl Jam album. At midnight. In Wisconsin.

Seriously.

It's not like I don't respect Pearl Jam. I do. Way to go, guys. You did that whole grunge/Seattle/flannel shirt/greasy hair thing. You're not bad musicians. You've got a legacy. Your music isn't bad. As a matter of fact, most of it rocks.

I'm just bored with you. I'm sorry.

If it makes you feel any better, Eddie, Dave still loves you. As a matter of fact, he's not bought coffee, fast food or CDs since he heard you're coming to Summerfest. He's savin' all his couch change, just to see you.