Can't. Stop. Watching.

I'm into train wrecks. No, not like, people-dying, derailment train wrecks. I mean this.

Paris Hilton and I don't get along. She's asked me to be her BFF, but I told her I just can't. I have enough friends as it is, and besides, I'd only ask her to pay my student loans and perhaps rent. She'd get tired of supporting me, so I just don't think it'd work out.

Plus, on top of monetary reasons for disliking her, I also find her mildly vomit-inducing. I get enjoyment from picking out her every flaw, or supposed flaw, or anything I'm jealous of. Too skinny. Too rich. Too blonde. Too tan. Too dumb. Too rich. Too raunchy-tape. Too rich. Too closed-mouthed about what happened between her and Nicole Richie. Whatever.

But still, I think she's a guilty pleasure. I admit, when I see her name on the Yahoo homepage news blurbs, I click. When I read about her latest night out, I read to the end, disliking her the whole time. But I think we're supposed to feel sorry for her now. (In case you didn't click the link above, I mean she's had her possessions stolen.)

Possessions include diaries, clothes, computers (yes, I meant to put an "s" at the end of that), furniture, videos (uh-oh), pictures, etc. All "stolen" because she allegedly didn't pay her dues at the storage facility where she kept everything.

I don't know why I care. I mean, she's Paris. Hilton. Ugh. I hated (and hate's a strong word) "The Simple Life." I don't think she's all that glamorous, and I don't really get why she's famous in the first place. Oh, wait. Her role in "House of Wax." Never mind.

But anyhow. Among these scandalous possessions are -- and I copy and paste -- (Her lawyer) told the Los Angeles Times the diaries contain "everything that would be dear to a woman's heart: relationships, personal feelings, sex, love, breakups, sexual experiences, all those little things that make up a little girl's life. Her deepest, darkest secrets.

He used the words "a little girl's life" to describe all that, did you catch that? Ridiculous. And yet, I can't stop reading. Someone help.