I'm sure you were wondering what the scene was at my house at 6:45 a.m. Well, OK, here it is

We have an agreement. Whomever must awaken first must sleep nearest the alarm clocks.

Or, so I decided last night when, for the first time, I decreed "Whomever must awaken first must sleep nearest the alarm clocks, from this day on, amen."

It really just means "Erin sleeps next to the alarm clocks, except March 21, when Dave will have to get up a full 20 minutes before Erin."

Notice I said "alarm clocks," plural. We have three. One is a clock, set 45 minutes fast to go off when it's "pretend" 6:30 a.m. Another is my cell phone, set at "the real" 6:45. I get up at 7:30. It's a long, tedious process full of cursing under my breath and slapping the top of the alarm.

Use of the third alarm is strictly verboten when I'm home, as it's a record of Dave's voice screaming "wake up you lazy jerk" (only in meaner, less family-friendly words) over and over. Not really how I want to wake up. I don't care how effective it is.

So, Dave slept on my normal side this morning, manning the two remaining alarms.

And he really, really stinks at it.

You'd think, hearing me yell-whisper "SHUT UP" at the beeepbeeepbeeepbeeep alarm first would alert him that "oh, must be that first alarm. The big one." And that song? Moonlit Haze or whatever it's called? It's second. And that $5 alarm clock does not play Moonlit Haze.

So at 6:45, it's hazing moonlight all over and Dave's beating the alarm clock -- the alarm clock that obviously only beeps, and does that very loudly and surely. And the moonlight won't. Stop. ERIN! It won't stop!

"It's the other one, Dave, the phone, turn it off!"

And it shuts off.

But he must have hit the "switch to vibrate" button, because there was no more Moonlit Haze to be heard nine minutes later, as it should. Instead, it was me, in a cold sweat, going "God what time is it??!"

To add insult to injury, someone in the building where I work has Moonlit Haze as their ringtone. And hearing it, I instantly got angry. "It's the phone, Dave, turn it off!" I wanted to say, but didn't.

And that concludes Dave's reign as alarm clock keeper.