The post in which you lose all faith in my athletic abilities.

My arms hurt to lift them. My shoulders hate me right now. If I hear the words "HOLD THE BOAT" or "BACK THREE DRAW" or "REACH! REACH!" anytime within the next few weeks, I'll probably break down and cry.

Twenty people from work (including the drummer) and I participated in the dragon boat races on the Fox River this weekend for UWO's Fall Fest on the Fox (along with like, 23 teams of 20 from Oshkosh area businesses and groups). Getting up at 7:15 to willingly get in a skinny canoe-like boat to race your way from one bridge to the next in the dirty water doesn't sound like fun, but that's where you'd be wrong.

For our first race, we had a man steering the boat who took me back to the boot camp I've never been to (but I've heard about it on TV). He yelled, he screamed, he kept hitting me in the back (I was in the lucky 10 spot with another woman from work). "ROW! HARDER! FASTER! FASTER! ONE TWO THREE FOUR ONE TWO THREE FOUR HARDER!!! DO YOU WANT TO WIN!? FAAAASTERRRR!"

It was pretty hard core.

The second and third men were more of a help (or maybe it just seemed that way because we did better time-wise during those races). We made it all the way to second place ... of the losers' class. Cough. Um. But it was fun. Even if I can't put my hair in a ponytail without my shoulders quivering.

It looked so easy watching everyone else paddle while I was standing under our tent at the Leach Amphitheater. Here's a running commentary of what was going on in my head after they yelled "Go," however:

"Must. Stay. Dry. PADDLE PADDLE FASTER, FASTER, oh, God, did some of that dirty water just get in my eye? I'm blind! Oh, wait, no, I'm not, not yet; great, it's in my mouth! Stop yelling, it'll make it worse! How can that boat be so far ahead of us already? Someone check them for steroids! I saw them juicing in the parking lot! PADDLE FASTER My arms! I can't feel them! Wait, a buouy -- does that mean it's over? No! It's just halfway over!"

And so on, for another 30-45 seconds.

And it was fun. Can you imagine.

You can read more about it in The Northwestern.

You can read more about dragon boat racing at the Great White North's Web site. They're the folks who brought in the boats and then yelled at us to go FASTER. Anyhow, find it here.

(Photo: Northwestern photo by Laura May.)