Will beg for wordage. Preferably congratulatory in nature.

I'm really, really keen on details and rich with deep, intellectual thoughts on Mondays.

As I stood this morning getting ready for work with my head hanging upside down while I blow-dried my hair, a thought came to me.

In five months or so, I'll be this warm WITHOUT any electric blow dryers.

Wait for it. There really is a more intelligent part to this.

Then, I was thinking about this summer, and days off I have, and oh, those weddings I'm in.

Wait, wait. Weddings I'm in. I stood up and threw my now-short hair back and froze, blowing hot air on my face. Wait. That means ... I have only a few months left to a.) get some cash together for these three bridesmaid's dresses, b.) get fitted for said dresses, and c.) practice what I'm going to say when people clamor "speeeeeech, speeeeech!" and bang on glasses and bottles with spoons (this is the kind of wedding I had, anyhow).

I don't have to give three speeches, thank God. Just one. But this one, it's in front of everyone I know.* It's in front of people I went to high school with. People who've forgotten I exist until right then, when I stand up and say my words of wisdom.

I'm such a control-craving woman that I resolved to put together a few things to say starting right now. I don't want the "Ooooh, I think I remember Erin ..." moment to be punctuated by "Wait, I don't get it, is there a point to this speech? You know, that Erin, she really isn't very witty."

Because obviously everyone will hang on my every word at such a large wedding.

In any case, I'll just come up with a list now of things to say.

Like ... How neat it is? Or how fabulous it is? Or other adjectives you learn on a first-grade vocabulary quiz.

Help. Someone.


*Kind of. When your home county has like, 34,000 people in it, it's not hard to know a good majority of them. Or at least say "hey, I think I went to a party in that guy's barn in '99. Hm. He had more hair then ..."