This post includes a bit of paranoia. As if you'd expect anything less.

Dave and I have been spending our glamorous married life writing thank-you cards for our wedding gifts -- and it's just like we expected it to be. Troublesome.

We've got some problems ... A few we don't have addresses for. Simple enough. It's the reason Man created Google. A few we don't have last names for. Might be tricky, but we'll call our parents and ask "Hey, do you know a Bob and Diane? No? Oh ..."

We have one family (a husband and wife and their two married children) who gave us one card from the husband and wife, one the husband and wife and their two children, and the two children and their husbands also each gave us a card. We're pretty sure we don't have to send four cards back, but I wonder if they even realized they did that. Or if it was just a "I wonder if Luke picked up the card? He wouldn't have ... I better pick one up just in case."

But two other issues in particular are proving to be quite the problems.

We have one gift we don't know who gave it to us.

We have one family we don't know what they gave us.

Seems like we just solved our problem right there, doesn't it? But what if we didn't? They didn't come from the same pile, and therefore there's a good chance the gift in question didn't come from the party in question.

What would Emily Post do, Ms. Etiquette herself? She'd probably smack me first, then tell me I'm screwed and I'm better off just writing something generic like "Thanks for the generous gift." Or jump off a bridge. Whichever.

But then, we run into another issue: My Lifetime Fear. Lifetime not being the TV network, but my actual Lifetime Fear.

I have this paranoia that people get the thank-you card I write and stand it up on their counter because -- aw, it's got an apple on it and it's so fall-like and pretty -- and someone else, who also got a card from me, comes over to their house to visit and SEES the other card, reads it, and says "Hey, that sounds pretty dang similar."

Because then they'll know: We are totally generic when it comes to thank-you card writing.

So we try to be creative; we'll switch out adjectives. "Nice" becomes "great" or "beautiful" or "fabulous." It's like a polite Mad Libs sheet.

I'll let you know how it goes. I've got more writer's cramp to create. SWEET.