A Halloween not thought through

There was talk of a Halloween party among some people at work. I immediately panicked. I went to one Halloween party in college, and I wore wings. That's all. Just wings. No halo. No costume. Just wings. The other three Halloweens were spent with me going "No, I did dress up, I'm Becky (my roommate)" or "I'm supposed to be a woman, duh" or something equally as lame and cringe-worthy.

Obviously, this Halloween was going to be really pitiful if I didn't think of something cool -- fast, I thought.

But then I heard the rest of it: If there is a party, it's going to have rules. Ooh, I love rules. "Only half-thought-out costumes allowed."

Whoa.

This is the Halloween party of my dreams. You mean I can go and NOT get the awkwardness kicked outta me because I'm not dressed in some skimpy costume on a frigid Wisconsin night? Or suffocating in some smelly rubber mask because yeah, that's totally cool for my temperamental complexion. Right.

I'm thinking about replicating the angel routine. I think the wings are in some closet (or in a bag in Walgreens for $5, I bet). I'll wear them with a band T-shirt and my black jeans. Hot.

Five outfits that should be banned, because I've seen how they worked out and it wasn't very good:
1. Any man in a Hooters outfit. (I really did see this one in real life. I still have nightmares.)

2. Anything with feathers. (Too flammable.)

3. That "Scream" costume. Come on, everyone had that one. In 1997.

4. Dorothy from "Wizard of Oz." Come on, everyone's been doing that one since 1939.

5. Anything with those fake redneck teeth. Everyone I've witnessed with those things has to spit them out to talk, drink or eat so the slimy fake teeth with the bad tartar build-up sits in their hands all wet and sticky, and you know that person is inevitably going to hand you a cookie or something later that night and you're going to eat it before thinking, and then spend the next hour in the bathroom gagging.

Not that I've experienced that, but ...