Actually came out of my mouth: 'I just want to get out my protractor and measure some angles'

Don't choke on your coffee, but ... I bought a sweater.

For my dog.

I am sorry. But I cannot resist argyle when it's on a human being, so how can I resist when it's on a dog? I can't. That's the answer.

The pattern! The colors! The geometric shapes! I can't take it! I just want to get out my protractor and measure some angles when I see argyle. And that's a compliment.

Besides, it was on sale. I couldn't buy argyle socks for myself as cheap as we got the sweater for Mr. Big. And it's Wisconsin, so obviously he needs it. I don't know if you know this, but it gets kind of cold here. And I'm a sucker for a man (Dave) who doesn't mind that I don't turn the heat on until the pipes are at risk of breaking. I'm cheap (see also: Erin turns off all the lights compulsively, Erin buys off-brand everything, Erin loathes fees and hidden costs).

Let the record show I didn't buy him bows for his hair, toenail polish or any sort of "bling." I'm not that crazy. Come on. He's a male dog, guys.