Old light fixtures do not a good time make

We decided that the old fashioned light fixtures had to go.

They didn't match our style (our style being "not too far out of college, mismatched furniture and hand-me-downs," not "probably an antique"), they hang down so I can't ignore them, and I needed a change.

We got a cool ceiling fan, Dave shut the electricity off (and you thought I was going to blog about him getting electrocuted. Sorry to disappoint) and he went to work on taking down the old fixture.

Not too much later, I hear Dave on his cell phone. "So, uh, split wood is bad, right?" Then the cell phone gets slammed shut and tossed to the couch. Apparently, split wood is very bad. And should I be getting the dog and some belongings out of the house, I'm wondering.

Then in starts the cussing, swearing and other such behavior coming from the living room telling me that it's just not going to work. The fan's too heavy for our original, 100-year-old frame to deal.

So, we take that back to the store and pick up a cool, lightweight fixture. I like it. He likes it. Split wooden beams should like it. (That sounds a lot more scary as I type "split wood beams" than it does when I just say it out loud.)

But as he climbs up on the stool to attempt it again, Houston (in this case, Cincinnati) is alerted of other problems. Namely, "WHAT IS THIS METAL ROD STICKING OUT OF THE ELECTRICAL BOX. And why is the electrical box so shallow?"

The dog runs from the room, probably feeling responsible for the depth of the electrical box and maybe even the metal rod.

Dave sends a photo message via his cell phone to his parents in Cincinnati for their input. We can't ask someone in our own area code to look at it, silly; that'd be cheating. And they'd probably be able to walk up to it, fiddle with some of the parts and, voila, we would all bask in the glow of the light.

So until he figures it out or caves in and asks for help (or hangs the old fixtures back up), I'll just be over here sitting in the dark, hoping the split wooden beam doesn't cave in. And putting "many, many flashlights" on my Christmas list.