The name change game train

I envisioned changing my name to be on par with the annoyance of, say, getting through international airport security. I was right, kind of. It's just like that, only instead of taking an hour, it takes weeks.

I got my certified copy of my marriage license five days after I sent away for it. I got my drivers license two days after that, after a 45-minute wait in line. I waited three minutes to talk to the Social Security clerk about changing my name on my card, and now I get to wait 10-12 days to get it in the mail.

And as I'm sitting here, two days into my 10-12 day period, I'm making a list of all the places I have to change my name through, once I have my new SS card: There's the cell phone, credit card, library card, magazines, debit card, bank account, car title, house title, insurance, prescriptions, doctors' offices, and the worst, all my work user names and my e-mail address. It's not as easy as hopping on Yahoo and getting a new e-mail. No sir.

Because it can't just be this easy process. No. It's got to be this long, drawn-out process full of "Marriage license, please. Now your driver's license. Now your blood sample. Now your mom's maiden name. Mom's blood sample. And a partridge in a pear tree."

And changing bank accounts was even more fun. We decided to create a joint account from his old one. You know, hi, here we are, let's put my name on it. But even that causes headaches. I can transfer money online into that account, but my name won't be on it for a few weeks, until the checks come back. And no debit card, either. Nope. Sorry. That's another two weeks' wait.

So I ended up keeping my old account for now. No debit card? For two weeks??? Please.